"I Wanna Live Where the Green Grass Grows"

But I don't wanna do the work

(If you don’t know the song the title’s lyrics belong to, then I don’t think we can be friends anymore. But since I’m always looking to make “Proverbs Thirty Wannabe” friends, I’ll cut you some slack…this time.)

I recently tuned into a delightful interview on the “Now That We’re a Family” podcast between Katie Voetberg and her guest Jill Winger. They were chatting about myriad Proverbs 31sy topics: childrearing, gardening, cooking, raising animals, breaking up with the Devil’s Toaster, aka the TV, etc. Katie, I think it was, pointed out that many women, herself included, aspire to one day live on a homestead like Jill does, but that their dream may take a while to become a reality, if it becomes one at all. However, not owning land and animals doesn’t mean those same women have to throw in the self-sufficiency towel or their Laura Ingallsesque aspirations.

When asked where homesteading newbies (*raises both hands and feet*) should start, Jill responded:

“Start with what’s speaking to you and what’s making you the most excited. That’s a good rule of thumb. But if you’re still unsure, start with the food, because whether you’re living in a suburban neighborhood or you’re a homesteader, homesteading is all about the food.

…

“One of the first things people can do is just get back in the kitchen … get to where you’re making more from scratch.”

Then she said culinary and homemaker-y words like “kneading” and “chopping” and “storing” and I immediately found myself feeling the way I imagine so many people feel when I begin explaining to them how to start and maintain a fitness habit. When I say key phrases like “resistance training,” “high-intensity intervals,” “high heartrate,” “step away from the treadmill,” and on and on, their expressions fade from hopeful enthusiasm to downright disinterest, which is sometimes sprinkled with hostility.

My attention returned when Jill said, “You need to start preparing mentally and physically [for the desired land/animals] now because, like you said, when you buy the farm, on day one, you’re gonna feel very overwhelmed. So, if you can already have the food skills down and you’re comfortable with taking raw ingredients and turning them into meals, then you’re going to be so much further ahead when you actually start growing it yourself.”

As my husband and I prepare to move onto a few modest acres in the country, and discuss our homesteading dreams, I’m struck, thanks to Jill’s wisdom, by my own – let’s call it what it is – laziness in the food preparation department. What good will chickens and gardens and dairy cows be in the future if I don’t take the time to peel and chop and dice and marinate and (insert cooking verb here) in the present?

On a family walk last week, I was confessing my indolence to my husband Ben and opined that we all have areas of our lives that are defined by diligence and self-discipline and others that are defined by, well, excuses and procrastination and laziness.

For me, I’ve always been very disciplined with my daily prayer time, reading time, and workout time. They are immovable fixtures in my day. Unless I’m exceptionally tired or recovering from a sickness, I don’t groan or grumble at the thought of going to the gym, just as other women don’t groan or grumble about peeling potatoes or putting food on the table. Those same women, who habitually and thoughtfully meal plan and cook, may be quite undisciplined when it comes to physical fitness.

So what’s the answer to my lack of motivation to cook, or to another woman’s lack of motivation to work out?

The answer is to forget motivation, and to instead focus on discipline – on showing up even when every fiber of our beings is demanding us to stop and do something – anything! – else and justify that something else with self-deceiving, self-defeating thoughts about how we deserve to give ourselves a break, or how it’s useless to try because “it’s just going to end in failure and disappointment.”  

To the first excuse, I say there is certainly room and good reason for occasional breaks. But breaks shouldn’t be contingent upon our performance; they should just happen because #grace #selfcare #rechargingisnecessary…no matter what. If we tell ourselves we don’t have to cook, or do X, Y, or Z, because we deserve to take it easy, then we will find we deserve to take it easy all the froggin’ time (gotta ask my husband his thoughts on that new “Christian cuss word”). Breaks should be taken regularly for no other reason than they’re restorative, refreshing, and refocusing.  

To the second excuse, I say since when did we homo sapiens buy into the infernal lie that we can only pursue things that come naturally to us, things that we’re sure to excel at? If everyone only did things at which they’re genetically predisposed to be awesome, or things for which they’re set up to succeed without struggle, the majority of us would be sitting around watching screens all day. Oh wait…

Somewhere along the way, we’ve become struggle- and failure- and frustration-averse. And when I say “we,” I’m thinking very loudly, “I!!!” Doing things I’m not excited about isn’t fun. Doing things I’ve failed at in the past isn’t fun. Doing things that involve using my brain and body in new, challenging ways isn’t fun.

There are two words I should add to the end of the aforementioned three sentences: “at first.”

Doing things I’m not excited about isn’t fun…at first.

Doing things I’ve failed at in the past isn’t fun…at first.

Doing things that involve using my brain and body in new, challenging ways isn’t fun…at first.

This brings to mind a Bible verse:

“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.” – Hebrews 12:11, NLT

It’s embarrassing to admit I don’t like cooking, that I’d rather spend money on takeout or pre-made meals than prepare an aromatic, love-filled meal for my family. It’s embarrassing because as much as I talk and dream about being “self-sufficient” and getting back to our roots as a society that was much more skilled and independent regarding the production and preparation of food, here I am making excuse after excuse for why I’m turning on the microwave instead of the oven. Here I am refusing to take baby steps that will help me become the woman I wish to be someday.

Now, I can hear some of you saying, “You’re being too hard on yourself. You’re a busy woman. A wife. A mother. A writer. You do a lot of good things that demonstrate love for your family. As long as your family is fed, there’s nothing wrong with not cooking.”

Thank you, imaginary reader. I appreciate that. But I’m not trying to make the case that every woman should garden or homestead of even cook regular meals for their families. I’m saying it’s a desire of my heart, and that I find it fascinating how self-discipline and laziness can exist with equal measures of robust, unflagging vitality within the same human, within the same heart.

They say admission is the first step in recovery from addiction. What’s my addiction? The easy road. The easy excuses. The easy fear of failure. The easy aversion to frustration. It’s time to move to the second step, which is acknowledging the power of God to help me overcome and have victory.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” – Hebrews 4:15-16, ESV

What about you? Do you share struggles like mine? If so, which baby steps have you taken to form positive habits or break negative ones? I’d love to hear from you.

Keep seeking that wool,

Diana